


Impressions (the MARIN=KARIN remix)

by bellmare



Category: Persona 3, Persona 4, Persona Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth
Genre: A Rom-Comedy of Errors, Bad Jokes, Gameplay and Story Integration, Gameplay and Story Segregation, Humor, M/M, Silly, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellmare/pseuds/bellmare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only downside to leading the expedition through the Group Date Cafe is the fact that everyone and their dog wants to find out who his destined partner is.</p><p>(Alternate title: <i>Secret DLC Event: the Big Day edition</i>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impressions (the MARIN=KARIN remix)

It's important to make a good first impression, Margaret had said. Even better if it's a strong one. 

And so, when the other leader says "I'm in your care", Souji looks him right in the eye and says, " _me eat you whole_ ".

The other leader's brows raise, then furrow. "Right," he says after a beat. 

"Bad?" Souji asks Margaret when they're back in the Velvet Room. She smiles. Souji's not sure what it means. It could be enigmatic, or it could just be amused. He tries another tack. "Too strong?"

"A little," she replies.

"Well. Salvageable?" he asks.

Margaret's smile broadens by a fraction. "It is not in the nature of a resident of the Velvet Room to interfere with a guest's actions or decisions."

"It wasn't  _my_ decision to do all those poses," Souji points out. 

Margaret shoos him out of the Velvet Room. "Well then," she says before he can object, "I look forward to witnessing what harmony arises between those with the Wild Card."

.

"The best way to appeal to my guest?" Elizabeth says, curious. "Why do you ask?"

Souji mumbles something about fixing first impressions. Elizabeth makes a vaguely sympathetic -- or amused, because it sounds more like a snort -- sound, then slaps her fist into her palm. "Oh, I know what you could do! Offerings of food are always well-received by my guest. They do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Sister, that's not very anatomical of you," Theo says.

"Sure," Souji says. "Any preferences?"

"You could start with takoyaki." Elizabeth beams. "Even better if it has  _that_ in it."

Souji frowns at her. " _That_?"

"Not that.  _That_. Right, Theo?"

"Yes.  _That_  which makes you smile so wide your cheeks fall off."

"Sounds dangerous," Souji says. "And maybe like some kind of euphemism."

.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't a very good idea to ask Rise what  _that_  possibly was.

" _That_  which they put into takoyaki ... ?" she asks. 

"To make someone smile so wide their cheeks fall off, of course," Elizabeth adds. 

"Oh." Rise frowns, then brightens. "So, you mean like trying to sweeten it up for someone? Or trying to sweeten someone else up?"

Well, she's not entirely wrong on both counts. Souji says as much.

"Oh, I know! You could try putting yukimi daifuku in, instead of octopus. And maybe to make it extra-special, habanero sauce for the topping--"

"Ah," Souji says. He doesn't want to think too much about it. 

"Sounds dangerous," a voice says from somewhere behind him. How curious. It's echoing his exact sentiments. 

Souji turns and finds himself staring at the Gekkoukan team leader. He's working his way through a stick of cotton candy larger than his head. "Do I want to ask?"

"We were just talking about. Uh. Rei. And how to combine takoyaki with doughnuts. Because she likes them. Both. At once."

"Actually," Theo says, "we were talking about--"

"Rei," Souji says firmly.

Minato frowns. "You don't sound too good. Maybe you should head to the nurse's office before we continue exploring."

.

Once Minato's left -- presumably to procure yakisoba, or something; Souji has yet to see him  _not_ eating something whenever they're back from the labyrinths -- he turns to Theo, Elizabeth, and Rise.

"You said you were from a different place and time from us," he says. Elizabeth nods. "When, exactly?"

"By my count, the year 2009 of the Gregorian calendar," she replies. "Why?"

Souji looks at Rise, then back in the direction in which Minato had gone. "... I think I'm starting to understand what it's like to have a senpai."

"Senpai," Rise says, very seriously, "should I be concerned about someone stealing you away? Are we really going to find your destined partner at the end of this labyrinth? Or ... do you already know?"

"What?"

"Don't tell me." She gasps, hands over her mouth. "Could it be ... that you like Mitsuru-san?"

"What," Souji says again. 

"Is it her regal bearing? Those heels? Her foreign language skills?"

Souji blinks. He certainly never saw this coming. "No, not quite--"

"--I can do those too, you know! I used to be in showbiz, after all."

"No," Souji says. Then, "I just think that devil-may-care attitude's interesting."

"Oh my gosh." Rise's eyes widen even further. "Don't tell me ... it's Akihiko-san? Shinjiro-san?"

"No!" It comes out faster than he intends. Well, shit. He hadn't meant to say the other part out loud. "No," he repeats. "Never mind, forget it."

"Wait." Rise pauses, thoughtful. "If they're from 2009 ... that means ... the second-years ... would still be your senpai. Technically. Oh my god, senpai, is it Yukari-chan? She seems like the kind who'd be really popular with guys. Or ... is it Fuuka-chan? Guys  _do_ like girls they can protect ..."

When he doesn't respond, she interprets his silence as a cue to continue with her guesses. "... senpai ... could it be ... that you're into robots ... ?"

Naoto pauses midway through strolling by. "What's going on here?"

Rise turns to her, eyes wide, voice beseeching. "Naoto-kun, you've gotta help me! I think senpai's interested in someone and he's not telling me!"

"I hardly think that's a cause for concern," Naoto says at last, once her expression has cycled back and forth between disbelief and bemusement a few times.

Rise frowns. Or pouts. "Geez, don't be a killjoy! You love mysteries, right? Besides, don't you want to find out who senpai's destined partner is?"

"Er ... not really," Naoto replies.

Rise turns to her, making a  _face_. It's the face Souji recognises as her  _pretty please, I'm going to cry if you don't, how can you be so heartless_  face.

... and that is how the notebook for maps is now being used as the foundation for a logic grid. It'd seemed harmless at the time, when Naoto asked to borrow the book to examine the locations of known points of interest. Souji watches dispassionately as Naoto flips through the pages of scribbled maps -- occasionally annotated by other people's handwriting -- until she reaches a point she deems satisfactory. He watches even more dispassionately while she draws out the grid, then fills it in with names.

"Well then, senpai," Naoto says, pencil poised expectantly. Over a page that says,  _Junpei wuz HEE-YAH_ , the last letter trailing off the page. "This can go one of two ways. Painlessly: you just tell us, thus saving everyone from Rise's ... er, eagerness to investigate. Or we can do it the painful way." Here, she taps the pencil meaningfully against the gridpaper. 

"Oh, would you look at the time." Souji points at the stationary face of the clock tower. "I think we should get back to exploring those labyrinths."

.

At first, he'd thought going back to the labyrinths would save him from the subject of Rise's curiosity and scrutiny.

That is, until he hears her over the comm link discussing the matter with Fuuka.

"... Rise."

The shadow attacks, sending chips of rock flying at him. Souji raises his sword arm to ward off the worst of the debris. "Rise," he says again, louder this time.

"--ooh, wait, I can't tell from here. Who do you think senpai's standing closest to?"

"U-um, I don't--"

" _Rise_? Rise, what's the shadow's weakness?" he yells.

The comm link hisses as Rise diverts her attention back to the situation at hand. Namely, the one where they're getting pummelled by a bunch of boulders who like trying to petrify everyone. "Oh my gosh, senpai, I'm so sorry, I was wondering if that brush by Junpei-san was just by accident or--I mean, um, electricity should work against them!"

"There's nothing going on between me and Junpei," Souji says loudly. Unfortunately, it happens during a lull in the battle where everyone else is awaiting orders.

For a moment, everyone stares at him. Somewhere to his left, a stona connects and someone keels over, then topples to the floor with a dull  _thunk_. 

"Aw, dammit, Ted!"

"I think I sort of prefer him this way," Yukiko says.

Junpei starts to giggle awkwardly. "Woah, woah, what? Look dude, you're cool and stuff, but I've got Chidorita already so you're going to have to get in line like everyone el--"

"There's  _nothing going on between me and Junpei_ ," Souji repeats, rummaging in his pockets for ... well, anything to de-petrify Teddie. "And I'm not getting in line for  _anything._ " Here, he crushes a card with far more force than necessary--

\--and gets hit with an errant pulinpa in the process.

.

Oh. That's interesting. He doesn't remember passing out.

"Hey, you're awake." 

Souji opens his eyes to find Minato leaning over him. "What happened?" he mumbles and tries to pry himself off the floor.

"You panicked." Minato extends a hand and helps him up. "And spent a while hitting everyone else before deciding to really knock yourself out."

"Oh." Souji stares down at their hands, then back up. "Sorry. And thanks for taking over while I was out of it."

Belatedly, he remembers Rise and Fuuka and their riveting conversation topic; namely, the subject of his destined partner. He looks away quickly, and lets go of Minato's hand. The others are walking towards the next door already; Kanji's slung the still-petrified Teddie over his shoulder in a sort of fireman's lift. A very stiff fireman's lift.

Mercifully, one of the FOEs locks eyes with Souji and starts lumbering closer. Merciful in the sense that hopefully, it would obscure Rise and Fuuka's view of what just happened. Less merciful in the sense that it is busy trying to shoot at him.

.

"Did ... everyone ... manage ... to escape?"

Souji pulls himself upright, attempting a quick headcount. Good. Everyone's in one piece and in one place. Satisfied, he goes back to doubling over and trying to catch his breath.

"Why're you so red?" Chie wants to know. Souji pretends not to hear.

"That was a nasty one," Minato says, sword resting on his shoulder. He runs a hand through his hair, then sighs. It occurs to Souji that this is the first time he's seen the other side of Minato's face. "Real pain in the ass when they pull you towards them."

"Why do you keep your hair like that?" Souji asks.

"Like what?"

"Never mind," Souji says and turns around quickly. And promptly gets shot by a cupid shadow.

.

"Two back attacks within two doors." Minato rubs at a graze on his chin. "You sure you're all right?"

Souji daubs antiseptic on the back of his hand, then flexes his fingers experimentally. "Yes. Why?"

Minato smirks. Maybe. It's hard to tell. "Earlier. Too busy staring at my face to notice shadows, huh? Those cupid arrows sure hit their mark."

Well, shit, Souji thinks. What should he say? 'Haha, no, in your dreams'? But, no, it'd be suspicious if he said that after such a long pause.

When he doesn't reply, Minato frowns slightly, eyes narrowing. "... it was a joke."

Thankfully, Junpei seems to have been listening in, because he bursts out laughing and slings his arm over Minato's shoulders. "Oh man, so you  _can_  make jokes after all! You really need to work on your delivery, dude."

"Personal space," Minato says. He shakes Junpei's arm off and slouches away, slipping on one side of his headphones. 

"Thanks," Souji says to Junpei. "That was a close one."

"Huh? A close what? Hey!"

.

When they resurface from the labyrinth, the first thing he buys is a sword. Specifically, one he's seen Junpei gaze longingly at every time they stop to check their supplies.

"Oh my gosh, senpai, I was  _so_  right! Is that a  _gift_ for your beau?"

Souji almost drops the wind pin he's holding. Rise's eyes dart back and forth between him and Junpei. "So there really  _is_  something going on between you and Junpei-san!"

"For the last time," Souji says, putting the pin back down before he ... before he accidentally squeezes it into a diamond, or something. "It's not Junpei."

"Yeah!" Junpei says suddenly. "It totally wasn't me, I didn't eat  _all_  of that giant parfait by myself, okay?!"

Rise stares at him, momentarily blindsided. "What, no! So it  _was_  you! I'd asked Kanji to leave some for me and he told me he lost it!"

.

"You know," Rise says over ramen at the food court, "if it had to be a guy, I'd have figured it'd be Akihiko-san. I mean, he  _is_  kinda dreamy."

"It's not Junpei. Or Akihiko-san."

She continues as though she didn't hear him. "Or maybe Shinjiro-san, too. I mean, he  _does_ look kinda scary, but look at Kanji."

"Hey!" Kanji says. 

"And I think Kanji'd make excellent husband material. I mean, he  _does_  have the most man power and girl power."

"Hey!" Kanji says again, though this time he sounds slightly less affronted.

.

The next few trips back into the labyrinth grow increasingly stressful. Partly because he can still hear Rise muttering to herself over the comm link. Partly because he's tired of how engrossed everyone else is in finding his so-called destined partner. Partly because he's also tired of all the backtracking they've had to do. Partly because he's been listening to an undercurrent of speculative murmuring between both teams. To make matters worse, even Junpei's started playing along.

They traipse through the final question door. The mechanical voice announces the impending selection of his destined partner.

"Senpai," Rise sobs over the comm link. Very convincingly. "M-make sure you invite me to your wedding, okay? And then you'll elope with me, got it?"

Souji exhales through his nose, exasperated. "Fine, it's not Junpei. It's the S.E.E.S. field leader. As someone else with the Wild Card, I think he's interesting and would like to learn more--"

He stops when he realises everyone is looking at him. And then he realises he said it out loud. A quiet buzzing at the periphery of his thoughts alerts him to the fact that Rise has gone quiet.

"Did you say what I think you just said?" Yosuke asks.

Souji opens his mouth. Shuts it. "It was a marin karin," he says. Minato is studiously looking in the opposite direction, hands in his pockets.

Naoto is the first to react. "Senpai, we haven't encountered any shadows in this world that can cast charm spells. Which is ironic, given our present surroundings."

"... tentarafoo, then."

"Negatory. We cured you of that a while back."

Aigis chooses the moment to announce, "I am detecting rapid fluctuations in our leader's heart rate and breathing pattern." Then, with more consternation, she says, "I am also detecting similar readings from our vice-leader. What is the meaning of this?"

Helpfully -- or not -- the spotlights stop panning over the crowd. Souji blinks, squinting against the glare. 

"Huh," Minato says, shielding his eyes from the light. "So that's allowed."

Just when Souji's starting to wish the ground would open up to swallow him and end his misery, it does exactly that.

.

The fall is a lot longer than he anticipates. He manages to land on his feet, at least.

"... where are we?" Minato asks, wincing as he looks around. Then he looks down and notices their hands are, inexplicably, stuck together. 

Souji follows Minato's line of sight. "Personal space?" he asks.

Minato lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "Can't be helped." He glances around again. "... seriously. Where are we?"

"This seems to be a path where destined lovers who meet their destined partners discuss their love for each other," the mechanical voice helpfully supplies.

"Oh, right. Your destined partner ended up being me, huh."

Souji nods, not trusting himself to speak. Especially not after the debacle upstairs.

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel some kind of destiny with you."

Before Souji can reply, the mechanical voice interrupts again. "You are free to step forth hand-in-hand, or refrain from doing so. These are your apparent options."

As they cautiously make their way forwards, Minato glances over his shoulder. "I wonder if we'll run into any shadows."

"If we do, I'll protect you," Souji says. Aims for deadpan. He's glad Aigis isn't around to comment on his heart rate.

Minato surveys him from beneath lowered lashes, expression unreadable. "Wow, I'm impressed you can easily let loose with a line like that. 'If we do, I'll protect you'. How was my impression of you?"

"Pretty good."

"Thanks. Maybe now Junpei can stop harping about my delivery."

.

They arrive at a picture. A picture of them. A picture with their faces stuck on. 

"Ah," Minato says. "I had a feeling it was going to be like this."

"At least I'm not the one in the dress this time."

The other leader glowers at him. And punches him on the shoulder. Or, more accurately, somewhere on his upper arm. Surprisingly, it hurts a lot more than he thought it would.

"I'm glad I'm taller than you," Souji says as he rubs his arm. "You could've hit me in the face."

He gets another punch. "That was the intention," Minato says. "Especially after that outburst upstairs."

.

The church door looms imposingly before them. 

"The long-awaited moment has come," the still-disembodied voice announces. It sounds smug, almost. "The bride and groom are finally about to enter. The last moment of hesitation has arrived before you are to be wed."

"... I knew it. It really  _is_  trying to marry us." Minato sighs, then cards a hand through his hair. "What should we do? You're not looking to get married, are you?"

"Through your own free will, you decide to vow eternal love to each other," the voice drones on.

Minato's hand drops to his side. "Wait. We haven't talked it over yet!"

"Actually," Souji says.

"What?"

"I meant what I said. Upstairs."

Oh. That's interesting. In the faintly pinkish glow in the area, Minato's face seems to be turning red.

Souji aims for lighthearted. Fails dismally. "You look like you're having a coronary. Shouldn't be eating all that festival food. It's unhealthy. Bad for the heart."

"That's all there is to eat," Minato replies. "And you know what's actually bad for the heart?"

"Tell you what. I'll make you lunch. Sometime. If I can find ingredients here. And what is?"

"Sudden outbursts of ... uh."

"Look," Souji says, trying to sound reasonable. "It was worse for me. I was the one saying all that stuff and all you had to do was stand there."

"'As someone else with the Wild Card, I think he's interesting and would like to learn more'. Is that how your confessions usually go?"

"... no. Other people tend to do that part."

"Oh. Same. I guess. So. What next? You're still technically the leader. It's your call."

The voice interrupts. "Now, open the doors together!"

"Marriage seems like a big commitment," Souji says. "You think we're ready for that?"

Minato smiles wryly. Or at least, appears to. "I thought people usually go on a few dates before even talking about this sort of thing."

"Haven't you heard of a shotgun wedding?"

"What, and no ring? You're managing all our funds, aren't you?"

Souji snorts. "How can you say that sort of thing with a straight face?

"As if 'if shadows appear, I'll protect you!' is any better."

"Point taken." 

" _Now_ , open the door together," the voice cuts in again, sounding faintly annoyed.

Souji rummages in his pockets for the item Theo passed him earlier. "On the house," Theo had said. "Elizabeth found it in the Velvet Room and, as you know, nothing there happens without reason."

"What's that?" Minato asks when Souji holds out the item.

"Ring of Darkness. I'd intended to pass it to you earlier, seeing as how I couldn't fuse anything that resists dark. You need this more than I do, anyway."

"Oh, that's. Very thoughtful of you. I ... wasn't actually expecting a ring. Or marriage, for that matter." Minato holds out the hand not stuck to Souji's, and lets Souji put the ring on.

"There'll probably be shadows who can cast mudo showing up sooner or later. I don't want to have to sling you under my arm and carry you out."

"If we're getting married, at least carry me like in the photo. And put your back into it."

" _If you'd open the door_ ," the voice says in exasperation.

"Yeah, yeah."

.

"I'm worried about the guardian behind that door." Souji stares down at their hands, still stubbornly glued together. Then at his sword. Then at Minato's. "Are we going to be stuck like this during the battle?"

Minato frowns. "So either we can't use normal attacks, or we can't evoke our personas. Fantastic."

"You know those dancer shadows? They seem to fight well enough with one set of hands stuck together. We could do that. Share a sword between the two of us. That way, one of us can hold it while the other summons their persona. And then we can switch. Maybe we can hit harder too, if both of us're holding the sword."

"Ah. Yes. So that'll be our wedding waltz." Minato huffs out a breath, fringe flopping with the action. "I can't wait."

.

The doors creak open.

"You must vow your unwavering love for one another, in sickness and in health," the voice says. It sounds vaguely relieved. "Now, vow your love!"

Behind them, the doors burst open. Teddie barrels through the door, trips, and rolls towards them.

"Senseeeeeei! How could you score without meeeeeeee?!"

"Senpai! How could you! We were supposed to elope together!" Rise wails.

"How could you marry someone else when you've already got me?!" Souji has to give him credit; Junpei should get an Oscar for still clinging on to his role. As he watches, Junpei gropes for the edge of Kanji's jacket and pretends to blow his nose.

"What the hell, dude, I thought we were going to be partners for all eternity ... !"

Teddie finally manages to roll himself upright. Upon hearing Yosuke, he starts to cry. Very impressively. If he continues at this rate, he could water that plant all the way back in the first labyrinth. Or maybe they could even hitch a ride and attempt to sail back to their own worlds via the sea of the unconscious. "Senseeeeeeeeei! Does that mean you and Yosuke are getting a divorce?"

Yosuke chokes. Teddie continues, unperturbed. "Sensei ... who will Teddie live with ... ? I can't choose ... this choice is really bear-aking my heart ..."

At the altar, the guardian shadow observes the spectacle, both pairs of hands clasped. "Now ... let us pray ... ?"

"I object to this wedding!" Aigis announces. 

"I'll take good care of him," Souji says. It's the first thing that comes to mind; it seems fitting, anyway, given the kind of situation they're in. 

Aigis gazes blankly at him. He can practically hear her processors whirring. "Accessing offline file C:\ROOT\EDUCATION\MOVIES\ROMCOMS\PARENTAL_APPROVAL_GUIDELINES\\." She pauses, as though deep in thought; then, her gaze focuses. "If I am to approve this, I will have to lay down some 'ground rules'."

"Say your vows," the guardian says. Like the mechanical voice earlier, an edge of peevishness enters its tone.

"First: this person is very important to me, and I will do everything I can to ensure his continued health, happiness, and well-being. Therefore, if you do anything to compromise it, I will hold nothing back. Second: you must return from any and all outings before 22:00 hours, so that we, as S.E.E.S., may plan for the next outing at Tartarus with our leader present. I understand that we are currently on a mission to return to our own worlds, but it is imperative that we develop good habits early on."

This situation is pretty surreal, Souji thinks. More surreal than that time he came home too tired to think and ate Nanako's science project and almost had his uncle's alarm clock for dessert. 

In the background, the labyrinth guardian's voice rises with impatience. "Stray lambs, I would like to ask you to say your vows if you wish to wed your beloved. I am a busy person."

Ken's voice pipes out from somewhere near the back of the crowd. "W-what's going on? I can't ... see through ... everyone's legs ..."

"Think of it as preserving your innocence," Junpei says once he's stopped pretending to cry into his sleeve.

"Please stop that," Ken says. 

"If you have finished proclaiming your love," the guardian bellows, "I now pronounce you wed. You may now kiss the bride. And then you shall prepare to meet your maker, for now you shall die!"

Minato and Souji exchange glances. Minato shrugs. Someone moves closer -- Souji isn't sure which one of them it is. 

.

At the very back, Naoto watches as Shinjiro moves to cover Ken's eyes. Likewise, Kanji glances around, and tries to cover Koromaru's eyes; Koromaru nips him and scampers away, attempting to hide himself behind Shinjiro's legs. Watching them, Yosuke reaches out, then tries to put his hand over Teddie's eyes. "Ugh, gross," he says when he realises Teddie is still bawling. He catches sight of Naoto looking at him. "Seriously. He's still going. Where do you think all that water comes from, anyway?" he asks as he wipes a hand on his pants. _  
_

"I don't know, Yosuke-senpai." Naoto looks down at her shoes and brushes confetti off her hat, suddenly immensely glad she can't see over anyone's shoulders.

**Author's Note:**

> What have I done. _What have I done_. 
> 
> Humour is hard. I have immense respect for whoever can do it. I think I'll go back to writing sad, existential, angsty things now.
> 
> This is, by far, the most ridiculous fic I've ever written. Thanks, [Annette](http://mohshuvuu.tumblr.com/), for the late-night Skype conversations that fueled ... whatever this is. A comedy of errors. I can't even begin to explain myself. Please leave me here in my shame.


End file.
